the Chariot: the Start
May the Spirits of these cards guide me as I explore and connect the Wild Unknowns of my life's journey. May this deck help me explore past traumas and Journey Towards Wholeness. Now I journey inwards as I envision my future.
Yesterday morning, I opened my brand new and first deck of Tarot Cards. I ran my hands over the deck. I blessed them knowing that I needed to invite spirits of each card into the deck and open myself to their pearls of wisdom and guidance. Much has happened in my life, almost always revolving around Wild and Unownkn focuses, thus the reason this is the deck that called out to me in a store filled with others. This moring as I sat with my deck for the first time, I had, but one question; and I drew but one card. The question I asked was deep and one that I was not sure there was but one answer for, yet the deck knew what I needed. The deck had the answer, and tears swelled in my eyes as I read the card and looked in the Guidebook for answers to its meaning. What did I ask? What I asked was this, " What from my past, no matter how dark or painful, must remember and bring with me on this the last Friday before seminary begins" I could have asked anything. I could have drawn any card, but the one I drew was the major arcana, the Chariot VII. My guidebook has this to say:
"The Chariot is your confidence, your will, and your inner warrior. At points in your life when you felt the bliss of achievement or triumph, you were riding on his back. Build a relationship with this part of yourself. Try to "see" the chariot inside you. The more focused your mind, the easier it will be to sence his presence and stay mounted on his back. With a fixed gaze and sure footing, you'll be headed towards all you dream of."
At the darkest, most challenging points in my life, I have often felt un-confident in myself. I have been my own worst critic and have been the first to tell myself that I am not good enough. That I should give up while I still can. I have told myself that I must prove myself repeatedly if I want to be seen and heard in a world that I did not feel I belonged in at all. I often forgot the moments when my inner warrior Chariot spirit was present, focusing on the negative instead of my confidence and will. I cared so much about what people thought of me that I tried to change who I was to please the masses, and I become miserable. Yes, I was liked by many but at what cost? I was not authentically true to who I knew I was and was acting daily to fit in. Yet, I have reached a point on my life's journey where I no longer care what others think, a point where I am regaining my confidence, following my will, and being my own inner warrior instead of a warrior against my innerself. And so for the Chariot VII to be not only the first card drawn out of this deck be the one drawn for such a question, I know the spirits heard my invitation, inhabited the cards, and are prepared to guide me as I explore and connect the Wild Unknowns of my life's journey. May this deck help me explore past traumas and Journey Towards Wholeness.